Understanding ARFID, Sensory, and “Picky” Eating: A Guide for Family Members

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Family gatherings, holidays, or even simple meals can become stressful when a child struggles with eating. For well-meaning relatives, it can be confusing to see a child refuse

foods, limit their diet to only a few items, or react strongly to textures and smells. Understanding what’s really going on can make these situations easier for everyone, and more supportive for the child.

What Is ARFID?

ARFID (Avoidant/Restrictive Food Intake Disorder) is more than just “being picky.” Children with ARFID may:

• Avoid foods due to texture, taste, smell, or appearance

• Eat a very limited variety of foods

• Have strong anxiety around trying new foods

• Show nutritional deficiencies due to restricted intake

Unlike typical picky eating, ARFID can affect growth, development, and health. Importantly, it’s not a behaviour problem or something a child can simply “grow out of”.

A child can develop ARFID when eating becomes stressful, overwhelming, or uncomfortable. This might happen if they are very sensitive to textures, smells, or tastes, have a negative experience with a food, or feel strong anxiety around trying new foods. Over time, this can lead to a very limited diet, where the child avoids many foods not because they are “picky,” but because eating feels unsafe or upsetting to them. A child can develop ARFID from traumatic experiences with food, like choking, gagging, or vomiting. These events can create fear or anxiety around eating, leading the child to avoid certain foods or textures. Over time, this avoidance can become persistent, limiting their diet and making mealtimes stressful.

Sensory Eating Differences

Some children are highly sensitive to:

• Textures: Crunchy vs. soft, slimy, or lumpy foods

• Smells: Strong or unfamiliar aromas can trigger avoidance

• Colours or appearances: Certain colours or mixed foods may be rejected

These sensitivities are real and often linked to how the brain processes sensory input. Asking a child to “just try it” can feel overwhelming or even distressing.

Many children gravitate toward familiar food, often plain, white, or beige options like bread, pasta, rice, or crackers. This preference isn’t just stubbornness; it’s often about predictability and sensory comfort.

• Texture matters: Crunchy, slimy, lumpy, or mixed textures can feel overwhelming, so kids stick to foods they know feel “safe” in their mouth.

• Flavour sensitivity: Strong, bitter, or sour tastes (like many fruits and vegetables) can be intense and off-putting for some children.

• Colour and appearance: Brightly coloured or mixed foods can be visually intimidating.

Choosing familiar foods gives children a sense of control and safety at mealtimes. Over time, with gentle exposure and no pressure, many children can expand their diet, but forcing new foods often increases anxiety and avoidance.

 Typical “Picky Eating”

Many children go through phases of selective eating,

preferring certain foods, refusing new ones, or having strong likes and dislikes.

The key differences are:

• Picky eating is usually temporary and doesn’t affect growth or nutrition significantly. Challenging foods is a normal part of childhood development. It is important to continuously offer a wide range of foods to a child, and even if they don’t eat them it is still important to have them around for familiarity and smell. A child who is challenging food will generally gravitate back to sampling food without coercion or intervention as long as it’s kept on the table. 

• ARFID and sensory-based eating can persist long-term and may require support from nutritionists, occupational therapists, or feeding specialists.ARFID is poorly understood and the children who develop it are almost always too young to understand what events caused the eating aversions and will rather starve than eat unfamiliar or unsafe foods served to them. Kids, teens and adults with ARFID do have the capacity to overcome this disorder with time and patience. 

How Family Members Can Help

Well-meaning comments like “Eat something!” or “Just try a bite!” often add stress. Here’s how family can redirect their approach:

Language Redirection Examples

• Instead of: “Why won’t you eat that?

Try: “You can have what you like, we’re happy you’re here with us.”

• Instead of: “You have to eat this; it’s good for you.”

Try: “There are lots of options here, try what feels okay today.”

• Instead of: “Everyone else is eating it!”

Try: “It’s fine to eat different things, the important part is enjoying the meal together.”

There is a time and place to introduce new or unfamiliar foods, and family gatherings are not the place. What well meaning family members often miss is when a child has severe eating difficulties, attempts to force feed become traumatic and the cycle continues and progress can regress. 

Focus on Connection, Not Consumption

Whether a child eats a little, a lot, or sticks to their safe foods, the goal is positive mealtime experiences. Encouragement, calmness, and patience matter more than bites on the plate.

Remember:

• Respecting a child’s boundaries builds trust around food.

• Avoiding pressure reduces anxiety and creates space for gradual expansion.

• Celebrations are about connection, not eating perfection.

Even adults often have food aversions and it’s more generally accepted into adulthood that sometimes we just don’t like particular foods. We tend to respect an adults choice to avoid ingredients and even whole food groups without making a big deal about it. It’s a good idea to give kids the same discretion at family events. 

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Understanding ARFID, sensory sensitivities, and picky eating is the first step toward supportive mealtimes. By reframing expectations and using gentle language, family members can become allies, helping children feel safe, confident, and included at the table.

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Struggling with your child’s eating habits can feel overwhelming, but you don’t have to do it alone. Download our free handout, ‘Helpful Language for Supporting Kids at Mealtimes,’ to get practical tips and gentle phrases that make mealtimes calmer and more enjoyable for the whole family.

If you need extra guidance, contact us for personalised support to help your child feel safe and confident around food.